Do I want to be Barbie?

Ok sis…This is devoted especially to you!

Barbie recently turned 50 and many of us grew up with her as a roll model.  My cousin and I took her literally in so many ways.  Did you know that if Barbie were a real woman with her proportions she couldn’t stand up?  We didn’t know that at the time but that explains why when she and I were young and had a figure close to that and we were serious klutzes.  Forget the grace that we imagined she had.  Had she been human she would have shared the broken bones, scrapes, bruises and stitches with us.

Despite all of that, my cousin still wants to be Barbie.  She only laughed when I accused her of being a cougar Barbie; older sexy woman chasing younger guys with cute tushies.   “Well WHY do you want to be Barbie?”  I asked her.  “She’s got everything!” she replied with a few inappropriate pronouns thrown in. “Think about it”.  And she started naming reasons:

• She has the perfect boyfriend; handsome and doesn’t protest or argue about anything.
• She has a cute little sister that can’t steal her boyfriends or clothes.
• She drives the perfect car.
• She’s 50 and looks great; nice skin, hips, breasts and tiny waist.
• She has a townhouse.
• She has clothes to die for and all of her old stuff is collectable.
• Shoes!  OMG if you have a shoe fetish you would be in Barbie Heaven.
• She has a successful job marketing her image to little girls all over the world.
• She seems to have all the money and vacation time she wants.
• She travels with her safari outfit and her personal jet.
• She is invited to numerous balls and parties if her wardrobe is any indication.

Like I said, she has EVERYTHING!”

As a joke I sent her the Barbie song.  Little did I know it would become her ring tone.  I suppose I have to answer her some of her ideas of perfect.  Cousin, Honey, Barbie has her own problems:

• Her boyfriend is stiff and artificial.  We won’t even discuss sex here.
• Her sister doesn’t have a heart, won’t listen and runs with her friends all the time.
• Her car is for show and rides like crap.
• She suffers from scleroderma. Her skin is stretched so tight from makeovers that if she bends too often it cracks, not to mention she falls over.
• Her townhouse is stiff and uncomfortable.
• She is old enough to be considered an antique collectable.
• Her joints creak and crack if they bend at all.
• Her fingers are the first to fall off.
• Dancing is out with her joint problems and it’s difficult to market yourself with no fingers.

Yeah sis,  I’m afraid like us…Barbie is going downhill.  While gravity may not visibly take over we have advantages that she’ll never have.

• We have soft Grandma skin on our arms that love to wrap around little ones who hug us tight in all of their love and innocence.
• We have children who now ask for our advice and honor our wisdom and love us always.
• We have husbands who share their lives with us and talk to us and support us.  I won’t mention sex here either.
• We have comfortable clothes and shoes and cars (usually) in sufficient quantity and comfortable homes to put them in.  If anything breaks down we have people who will give us the shirt off their back, the shoes off their feet and a ride to work or the store.
• We have great friends and relatives who don’t abandon us if our joints don’t work, fingers fall off or our hearts tick funny.  We are everything to them.

Sis,  the money might be nice but I wouldn’t trade what I have for the world.